Wednesday, October 03, 2007

I had promised some time back to whine about Bengalooru, so this is the first of a series of posts.

My first pet peeve about Bangalore which any moron can guess is - TRAFFIC...The only description for it is FUBAR! (ref: Saving Private Ryan, for the uninitiated)

Now I've driven in Pune and Mumbai and am no stranger to a sea of humans chugging along on their 2-wheelers, auto rickshaws, buses and trucks. Bangalore throws a similar volume of vehicles at you, maybe a slightly larger volume. But what you would have never anticipated is that you will have to draw upon a different skill to navigate this problem. Remember, back when we were in school, we used to have those slow cycling races, with the winner being the last one to cross the race, the last one standing!

It's a very similar environment out here..However, not all is lost!

Success (Reaching your destination in the optimum time, with all bones, muscles, cells and the nervous system intact) can be guaranteed, nay attempted, by the following factors:

1. Inculcate Patience: Just as the most successful people in the stock markets are the ones who exercise patience and do not follow every whim and fancy of the market, so also the ones who make it through here are the ones who do not utter unconstitutional language at every red light. The red lights stay that way for a longer period of time, so this time can be best utilised by memorising the lines of your current favourite song, ogling at the beautiful sights around, etc...
Also, the sooner you realise that the time taken to travel per km increases exponentially in peak hours as compared to other cities, the better off you are!

2. Pick up some traits of Formula 1 drivers (Such as using the width of the track)
If you follow lane discipline, you will not only be figuratively screwed, but also literally run over by the sane people who are weaving in and out and dying to get to their workplace to check their emails on the latest about Indian Idol!

3. Know your vehicle to the last inch: Successful are those who are able to squeeze their vehicles in the smallest of crevices offered. Another trait of F-1 that comes handy here is weaving your steering left and right, as if a thousand simians have landed on it! While the racers do it to get heat into their tyres, you might be able to gain significant road position relative to the other fellow racers on the road!

4. Learn some Kannada: Just as the Aussies had learnt some Urdu to verbally assault the Pakis on their own turf, it always pays to abuse the locals in their own language. Communication can otherwise be a big problem and your affection for the offender can never be fully conveyed! Though this would not improve your position, at least you will be at peace with yourself!

5. Petrol Pumps: The filling stations at the side of the roads are cute diversions and are used more often to bypass the vehicles in front of you, rather than stopping for gas. Again, this goes back to the first rule of using the entire width of the road!

Finally, have you noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, while anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

As for me, I am leaving Bangalore without much damage. This goes a long way in saying how good how I've been in playing peek-a-boo with the vehicles around me. The only scars that I take back from this urban battlefield are a damaged headlight (via an idiot who thought it would be fun to hump his bike in stationary traffic) and a swollen leg (Courtesy another moron who
thought it a good idea to check out his shock-absorbers by running one wheel over my leg as I patiently stood waiting for the damned light to turn green)!

Have fun :)

1 Comments:

Blogger kaustubh said...

You got tagged, write 5 random thing about yourself, view my blog if you are lost :)

12:20 PM  

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